lady lazarus

A dreadful realization. At first, you are voraciously furious and enraged. Your equilibrium has been capsized and the following pain is nothing short of acute. An inhuman rage is transfused into your blood and you are urged to lash out maliciously, spitefully, vengefully. Your thoughts flash past at lightning speed. You are utterly tormented with rage. Something unfair has happened and there is nothing you can do about it.


Numbing follows. Your brutal high comes crashing down and you are left with a sinking feeling of despair. You body is physically in agony. Hot tears run down your face and greet your lips with a salty reception. The weight on your chest grows heavier with each exhale. You are as pathetic as you are lonely.

You reach for the phone. How strange that there is only one person you want to call. Yet, even as you reach for the number in haste, you cannot persuade yourself to do the dialing. There really is no way for you to speak coherently, to breathe words.


Emoting seems to be a small death in itself.


Detachment. In a few days, you will have shaken off this ordeal. The sadistic butterflies will have stopped swarming around in your stomach. You will forget how much it hurts to keep it all stuffed inside.