Thursday, August 28, 2008

craving your validation


I hate not expressing what is vexing me for fear that I'm a complete freak. Things always seem to fall into focus after you've thrown them out into the black hole of cyberspace. Lately, I've been feeling disconnected and unusually out of touch. Quirkiness may be a virtue in theory, but I feel all my nervous ticks have been making the rifts in my friendships even more obvious. How do you let go of a friendship amicably? Shaking hands on the fact that you have nothing more in common seems a bit obtuse. I have forgotten what it is like to be understood and listened to. Being removed has become the normal.


I dream of this person who listens to Simon & Garfunkel records and wishes on 11:11 with me. Who doesn't laugh at my daydreams and will wake up early to drive out to the ocean. An enigma of an individual who instinctively knows what song I'll like and how much I love to be kissed on the forehead. Kindred spirits, soul mates, whatever you choose to call them. I need one.


Every word that is typed onto the screen is marked with a little hesitation. I hate sounding vulnerable, pathetic, and, most of all, desperate. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not painfully self aware and conscious of what you are thinking of me at all times. A flaw that is so non-congruent with the rest of my personality, it is almost comical.


I sleep to dream. Deep in slumber, I have all the conversations I'm too afraid to initiate in reality. I tell some people I love them, others I miss them, and, to a select few, how gracefully I hide my disdain. Suddenly, I'm conquering my wanderlust and far off aspirations. I fight for one more hour of euphoria before I awake.


This will all be forgotten in the morning. After all, tomorrow is another day.

4 comments:

Atomsam said...

Awesome. I relate so much it's kinda creepy. I think tho, at the end of the day we need to appear a little desperate in order for things to happen. It is when we show a little, just a little of our true selves that other are drawn to us. Ironically our vulnerability is what makes ppl love us and accept us.

Anonymous said...

"I dream of this person who listens to Simon & Garfunkel records and wishes on 11:11 with me. Who doesn't laugh at my daydreams and will wake up early to drive out to the ocean. An enigma of an individual who instinctively knows what song I'll like and how much I love to be kissed on the forehead. Kindred spirits, soul mates, whatever you choose to call them. I need one."

I relate completely! You are an amazing writer

Tiffany said...

Anonymous, I hope we both find our soul mates the minute we need them most. :)

Julian said...

Homo Sapiens like you and I are only about 100,000 years old, give or take 50,000 years; even Australopithecus, (ie "lucy") would have been less than 1 million years old.So, If aliens visited earth a million years ago, and they wanted to speak with the planet's most intelligent species, who would they have talked to? Wow, right? 15. in the Swimming Women's 100m Freestyle China SHAO Yiwen achieved Silver medal in the Swimming Women's is that the government owes Social Security about 2.5 trillion dollars.