Saturday, July 26, 2008

i can tap dance. you wanna see me tap dance?

I can't believe it is almost August already. I'm having such a love/hate relationship with summer right now. On one hand, I'm enjoying the sun, chilling with friends, and lying around watching movies. I completely forgot how much I loved Garden State, 10 Things I Hate About You, and The Patriot. And yes, those are just the films I watched today. I really miss Heath Ledger. Maybe it was just an emotional day, but during the scene in 10 Things where him and Julia Stiles slow dance at the prom I completely lost it. I have this problem, you see. I feel everybody else's pain like it is my own. An infomercial could probably make me cry.
Anyway, as much as I love that the livin' is easy, I can't help but feel a little useless. I need to start looking for a part-time job, or pick up gardening, or find anything to do. I'm awaiting the start of school with excitement. Call me crazy, but as much as I complain about it, I need higher education in my life. I have this unexplainable desire to write term papers and start studying for midterms.
Then there is the fact that I really have no idea who I am, because I've always been defined by what I did and I'm not really doing anything right now. I'm just so sick of shows, and musical theatre, and competing for something that I'm not even sure I want. I'm at a crossroads, and it's so painful. I keep on looking back, and trying to grasp for anything that might resemble who I should I be.
And, top it all off, I'm covered in mosquito bites. Talk about conflicting feelings.

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